Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
