just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
