I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
