Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize