Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He felt like a one man threesome
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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