the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Girls should come with a carfax report
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
