I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
