mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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