Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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