i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
