Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
