That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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