Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
