Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
