sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
