Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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