and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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