We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.