Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall