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Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
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