He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there