he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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