I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.