This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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