Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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