I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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