ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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