Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
