I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
