Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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