Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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