when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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