It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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