I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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