dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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