Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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