Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
