college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
