I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's rum buckets o'clock
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize