I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
