you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
