I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
