my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
