My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
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The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
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You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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