I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
