the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Drake has all the answers
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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