Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
