so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
