need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you will always have a special place in my vag
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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