i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
