I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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