Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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