i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
