I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
