apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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