If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
