He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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