I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
