He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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