there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
