you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she smelled like a LAN party
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
