Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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