One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
