i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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