Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
