i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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