I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
