I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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