would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The uberlube is also flammable
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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