Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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